I feel like I'm self destructing



I binge eat all the time . I don't even need to be hungry. Yesterday I met my husband had a lovely steak dinner then left, we both deliverror rvs around the country and we're going opposite directions, then 30 minutes later I wanted cinnabon intensely bad so I stopped but they didn't have it so I ate a 20 pm chicken nugget! It's crazy behavior! I know I'm emotional I need to find a support group to talk to. My life hit rock bottom two years ago we lost our home and had to start life over at 40 something. The kids were growing up and the empty nest thing hit me like a ton of bricks, I would cry for a week each time one moved out.then the final blow was my youngest son. Shortly after his 18th birthday he changed, he became a loner , paranoid, angry ,then terrifyingly the voices started. He was out of control and hospitalized, diagnosed with schizophrenia. He will never be the same.my smart loveable boy is gone! Replaced by this young man who blames us, he thinks we have super powers are are putting the voices there. Some days are better than others but two years later we still haven't made any progress towards making him understand. He's been hospitalized multiple times. The whole family is afraid of him
I'm terrified he will hurt himself. Yesterday my husband talked to me about sending him to a specialized home. I know he's right but I want to wait till after the holidays. Needless to say I think I'm trying to kill myself with food. My body hurts all the time. I've got terrible foot pain, back pain, and embarrassingly a weak bladder. I can't sleep right. I'm tired and go right to sleep at night but I'll wake up off and on all night. I need help and would love to talk to anyone that has gone through anything like this.